I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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