Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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