I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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