the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
