Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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