At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
