So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's never too late to be topless.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
