did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
