Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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