i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
