SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize