Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
