and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
