At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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