Your dad touched me again.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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