My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
