Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize