Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
