my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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