Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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