I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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