So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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