even my farts smell like vagina
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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