i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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