This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
