On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
