thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
