Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
