Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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