1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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