Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
