woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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