drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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