To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
