she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
