Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
