I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
