Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
