this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
