just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
