How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
