he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Randomize
