Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
