If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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