I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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