I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
