my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
