guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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