Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
