I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
