i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
