I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
