I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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