the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
