dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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