they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
