What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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