the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
