3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
