If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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