no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Watching her eat just hurts me
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
