Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
