Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
