Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
