I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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