After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
