I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
