Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize