I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
