I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
