Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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