I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
