You're completely useless in the revolution.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
