my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
