if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
