dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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