If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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