do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i drank out of a bidet.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Damn victory sex feels great
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize