i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We need a shit load of segways right now
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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