We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
