btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
