we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
