Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I know she was great

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?

(1-920): View more from Wisconsin

no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?

(920): View more from Wisconsin

he wasn't. neither were you.

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(313): View more from Michigan

so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.

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(708): View more from Illinois

she fell through a window trying to flash someone

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(503): View more from Oregon

Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine

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(520): View more from Arizona

Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman

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(419): View more from Ohio

I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"

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